Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation

So this is the last blog I will be writing this year and I've realised that it is a bit overdue - it has been a number of weeks since I last wrote ahead of my final chemotherapy cycle. Life appears to have overtaken me somewhat since I completed that ordeal and I've had a long list of things I needed to get done before the end of the year. Most of them are now done!

Mentally the final few days of my treatment were among the hardest I faced as I closed in on the finish line. But I did it. I got there and hopefully it has been worth it. So where am I now, what have I been up to during the last few weeks that have kept me from blogging, and what lies ahead?

Into the unknown (aah-ah, aah-ah)!

With the visit of Donald Trump and his fellow NATO heads of state to the Watford area, my daughter's school was shut for a day as a security measure (her school is just along the road from the Grove hotel which was hosting part of the NATO summit). We enjoyed dozens of low flying military helicopters passing right over our house. As I was now drug free, a trip to the cinema to see Frozen II seemed a good idea. I'd avoided watching the first installment for years, but finally relented once I knew we were going to see the sequel. (No doubt I could have held on to my long standing objection to Disney's reworking of The Ice Queen, but sooner or later you have to let it go, right...?)

Sends shivers down my spine...

Just as some of the characters in Frozen II end up lost in the woods, so I find myself in a metaphorically similar predicament. After meeting with my consultant, I have now been passed to St Mark's, Harrow for follow up as this hospital is a Centre of Excellence for providing advice, treatment and lifelong surveillance for patients with a polyposis syndrome (like me!) and I am now awaiting an appointment for a colonoscopy. The results of this will determine what happens next. Among the possibilities are the reversal of my stoma and a return to normality with regard to bathroom breaks. But if the number of polyps in my bowel is high - and it was when I had emergency surgery back in April - then it seems more likely that more of my bowel (or possibly all of it) will be removed and I will be left with a stoma permanently not to mention a "bag for life" that supermarkets are now keen for us to reuse!

That is obviously not the path I really want to travel down, but if it is the one that is advised and means no recurrence of cancer, then I will take it. But for now it is just a possibility - albeit a fairly likely one. In the meantime I will just get on with things and enjoy the Christmas break without worrying about it.

Mistletoe and Wine

It is quite surprising just how many people are living with a stoma like me. In fact, it is estimated that as many as 1 in 500 people in the UK today have a stoma. That is significantly more than I thought. When you google to find out if anyone famous is included in that number, more surprises await. King of the Christmas Chart Toppers, Sir Cliff Richard is rumoured to have a stoma, although I can't find any confirmation of that fact. BBC Newsreader, George Alagiah has been keen to use his profile to raise awareness of bowel cancer and life with a stoma. US President Eisenhower, Fred Estaire and The Queen Mother were among our number. Even Napoleon Bonaparte might fit into this category and I am thankful we have come a long way since his rumoured goat bladder bag!

Probably the hardest thing for me to get my head around has been the noises my stoma makes. I've always had a gurgly tummy (I once got some strange looks from a judge in court when I was sat next to her whilst on jury service!), but now I also have no control over my "output" and the embarrassing sounds that I am particularly sensitive to. So if you hear it: apologies, there's nothing I can do about it!! It is something I need to adjust to now that I am getting back to work and business as usual.

It's a wonderful life

I have now done a couple of very short stints in the office, plus a handful of hours working from home. It was important, I felt, to break the ice before Christmas and start to pick up the threads of what I'd had to put down all those months ago. It has been quite tiring - my body is still getting used to being more active again - and I've found myself taking extended naps upon returning home. The backlog of email is largely dealt with - mostly through the passing of time rendering the majority of the messages now irrelevant.

One of my targets during treatment was to make it to our company's Christmas party. I am pleased to say that I did. It proved to be an emotional evening, seeing faces I'd not seen for months and catching up with colleagues from other parts of the country. In particular, having our CEO welcome me back in his pre-dinner speech was a bit of a tear jerker, but nothing compared to the standing ovation that the majority of the 170 gathered people afforded me. I was incredibly touched by the gesture. I was reminded of the generosity that is often on display at this time of year when I watched the final few minutes of that classic Christmas film. George Bailey realised how blessed he was and I do too.

Driving home for Christmas

Christmas at Hogwarts

So having missed out on a summer holiday this year, we are going to ensure that we make the most of our Christmas break. We will be going to stay at my parents before travelling up north to see my brother, his wife and their gorgeous new daughter - who we'll be meeting for the first time. Very exciting! Our kids are - as always - super excited about all that is to come, although mainly the prospect of presents no doubt! I'm not sure what I want really. Well, not a present that can be wrapped. But I am still praying for full healing and restoration. When I think of grown ups writing their Christmas wish lists, I always think of a poem, written by A.A.Milne who is best known as the creator of Winnie the Pooh. His piece about King John brings a smile to my face because when it looks like he will receive nothing on his list, King John ends up with what he wanted most. Check it out: https://www.thereader.org.uk/featured-poem-king-johns-christmas-by-a-a-milne/

I've got a bad feeling about this...

We kicked the festivities off a little early with a visit to the Harry Potter film studios tour, with everything dusted with snow and Christmas decorations. We only live around the corner but have never been before. It was a very enjoyable, if tiring, few hours. It certainly wasn't cheap, but it was all really well put together and an experience we all enjoyed as a family.

I've also been able to make use again of our Merlin passes and visit Madame Tussaud's in London. Again, a tiring experience, but it isn't often you get the chance to hang out with that many celebrities. I ended up in a galaxy far, far away and had to rely on a wookie to get me back to Baker Street tube station! My son, who accompanied me, really enjoyed the experience too, particularly when it came to meeting some of the heroes from the Marvel Film studio.

Joy to the world

So with just a few days until the big day, it is great to be able celebrate with friends and family. As choirs join with the angels to sing in exultation, the message of Christmas gives me great heart. We sing of Emmanuel - that God is with us. In the darkness. In the pain. In the waiting. In the festivities and wonder. In the drive home. In the unknown.

The angels told the shepherds "I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all people. Today in the town of David, a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord."

May that great joy light up your dark nights and may the Saviour, Messiah and Lord shine particularly bright upon us all this season.

Thanks for reading, praying and encouraging me and my family.

Merry Christmas.

See you in 2020.